Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
