he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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