How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
