dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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