I faked an abortion last night.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
