You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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