There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
