You're so nebulous sometimes
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
