Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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