I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I would ride that face into the sunset
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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