So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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