Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
