It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
