I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Small penises have feelings too.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
