i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
