I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
