I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize