First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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