ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize