You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize