does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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