we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
