I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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