im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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