I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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