My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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