made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
