I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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