We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
