is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
