This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
