It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize