These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Michael Bay diarrhea
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
