watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
