That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
