I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
