is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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