I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
