Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
