It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
