I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
