so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
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