I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
