So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
