if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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