What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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