I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
