fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Houston, we have a squirter
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize