is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
