Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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