Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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