If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
