he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
