I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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