Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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