I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
