As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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