i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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