Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
