Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
