It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
