there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
