Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
