k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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