One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
