I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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