I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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