The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
