well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
