i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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