I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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