Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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