Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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