Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
