Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize