Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
