You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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