I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
