My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
