I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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