did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
you never un-have a 4some
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
