I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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