So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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