I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
