Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
