so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize