I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
