Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
