what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize