i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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