I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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