If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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