just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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