The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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