So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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