We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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