Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
