my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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