I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
